NEW Valentine’s Day Blog Post! Drunk In Love: Music, Mixed Drinks, and Mixed Messages

Ye cannot drink the cup of the Lord, and the cup of devils: ye cannot be partakers of the Lord’s table, and of the table of devils. (1 Corinthians 10:21 KJV)

Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:21 KJV)

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. (1 Peter 5:8 KJV)

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind; Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revliers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of  God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10 KJV)

(This is not your typical Valentine’s Day Blog Post. I was led to write a blog that I knew would be viewed as somewhat unorthodox surrounding a holiday like Valentine’s Day. The foundation of my blog is taken from the scriptures mentioned above. I don’t question; I simply obey. May you proceed with caution!)

Ladies! Valentine’s Day is in exactly one day. I am certain that the differences in emotions amongst us are wide and varied surrounding this one particular day. There are some of us who have already made plans to spend the evening with our fellow sister friends, foregoing a night that would have included either a double date filled with love and laughter, or an aesthetically pleasing (and God-fearing I hope!) guy sitting across from us as we enjoy dinner and intellectual conversation. Cheers to you! There’s nothing like nurturing godly relationships or experiencing the newness that comes with getting to know someone. In all actuality,  you can’t go wrong with any of the above-mentioned plans.

There are some of us who are in relationships and are very happy, excited about the festivities of the day, evening, and/or weekend. We are happily preparing for the perfect look and attire, daydreaming about our upcoming events, and waiting in anticipation for quality time with our love. Oh – and we must not forget the gift exchanges. Kudos to you! Love is a beautiful thing. God is love. I pray that your relationship remains God-centered and glorifying to Him.

There are some of us – secure, confident, and single – who have fully embraced our singleness and are simply waiting for God’s best. We may have options, but we choose not to entertain them – because quite frankly, we don’t want to settle for just options. We are busy focused on Kingdom work. And whether we have options or not: Valentine’s Day is just another day to us. Not a sad day, not a super joyous day – just a day. We can’t get too caught up in the hype at this point in our lives. We certainly acknowledge the day for those who choose to participate. We are genuinely happy for those who are in love, and we celebrate with them! However, we also understand that we are fabulous in this season of our lives too! I salute you!

Then….there are some of us who have become weary. Weary as a result of not having a special someone. Weary from not knowing what it feels like to have a Valentine, to feel loved. Although, love is not a feeling. We have simply become restless as a result of not having someone to share our world with. We are tired of not having someone to appreciate all of who we are. We desire companionship with a man to an infinite and unknown degree – basically, it’s immeasurable. And because the desire is so intense, we gradually become impatient, we lose focus, and we begin looking for our man of God everywhere we turn. We begin looking for any old man that may fit the description. The enemy seeps into our minds, until we slowly settle for less than what we deserve.

Or, we completely and blatantly ignore all of the signs that God has given us – and refuse to acknowledge the red lights glaring right before our eyes cautioning “STOP!” when we meet a man who isn’t God’s pick. We exchange sound judgment and wisdom for a belief in an elaborate dream that the first smooth-talking, dapper-looking guy sells us. He’s fine. He’s charming. He looks and dresses the part. He’s smart. But what does his faith walk look like? Oh…but never mind that, we’ll focus on that later. Because he’s fine. And…he’s a pro at whispering sweet and perfect nothings (emphasis on nothings) in our naivety-filled ears. We believe the lie. Because we’re made for love, right? We deserve it – any way that we can attain it. This must be the perfect guy and the perfect timing. We are…simply drunk with the idea of being in love. And the world knows it.

Drunk In Love. The title of a very popular song that has quickly reached the masses, making a grand entrance into the homes of attention-seekers and petal-pushers. It has resulted in young, intelligent, gorgeous, and fabulous women everywhere reverting back to endless days and nights of fantasizing about being free with their man – or just a man – and indulging in sexual fiascos and excusing risky behavior under the pretense of fun and games. A fun night it will be – then reality will quickly set in. I must admit: the song – produced and performed by Beyonce that features her husband Jay-Z – is very catchy. It will make you want to get up and shake something with the quickness, oblivious to what the lyrics are truly saying. The song’s purpose is to instantly remove inhibitions and allow you to become like the woman performing the song – who is a mother, a wife, a girly-girl, a goody-two-shoes simply letting herself go and enjoying a fun night with her man. But actually, when you dig deeper, you also uncover a harsh truth: you find a tipsy, flirtatious, and overtly sexual seductress who is luring a man away into apparent abyss while voluntarily relinquishing her power and her worth.  It’s difficult to decipher this truth while knowing that Beyonce is married. But allow me to explain.

I am not going to quote much of the song for obvious reasons, however, a very small snippet from her song lyrics will prove my point quite effectively: “If you’re scared, you better call that reverend.” Need I say more? This one line has “seductress” written all over it. It empowers women in the wrong way. It causes those who are unmarried to fantasize about the spontaneity and joys of marriage. Which is natural, but deadly when embarking on the pursuit in an entirely different and ungodly way. Natural, but unhealthy when coupled with song lyrics filled with wickedness and a young woman’s incessant need for affection and attention. If only I could experience what she speaks of – maybe I would have a chance at getting what she has.  If only I could experience what she speaks of – even if it is only for one night. Beyonce is married. And I will say this at least once more in this blog post because it is a very important point to grasp. It clearly wouldn’t be one night for her. The women imitating her would be the ones committing fornication, not her.

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind; nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10 KJV)

Furthermore, I am sure Beyonce is very aware that most of her listeners are women who want to be her. They are unmarried women who desire a perfect, high-profile, popular, and successful husband who is also a loving father. They are disillusioned women who desire to be a hypersexed seductress posing as a woman of faith – using sex as a means to get what they want while destroying homes and families. They are insecure women who are not content in their ordinary lives, so they resort to coveting and idolizing her lavish and evidently perfect lifestyle. They are distraught mothers who have struggled with juggling a career, a home, a personal life, and her family life – so they watch her do it (seemingly) with ease. They are brilliant young women with style, talent, giftedness, and poise that simply want someone to notice them as they watch her steal all of the spotlight.

Ye cannot drink the cup of the Lord, and the cup of devils: ye cannot be partakers of the Lord’s table, and of the table of devils. (1 Corinthians 10:21 KJV)

The song will draw you in – quickly. And if you’re not careful, you’ll begin to listen to it more and more, then gradually begin to internalize and mimic it in subtlety. Music is powerful. The flirtatious beat and the sheer musicality of the song was purposely designed to make women feel extremely superior. The irony is that although the woman appears to be in control of the situation and her sexual choices, she also makes herself more susceptible to sexual violence and vile behavior while being under the influence. She is, in essence, vulnerable – and is actually not in control at all. Let’s find out why.

“Alcohol use in conjunction with sexual activity is one factor that has been consistently linked to increased sexual risk for adolescent females as well as adult women (e.g., Abbey 2002; Champion et al., 2004; Cooper, 2002; Dunn, Bartee, & Perko, 2003). Studies indicate that when alcohol consumption and sexual interactions coincide, the risks of negative sexual outcomes often increase. Alcohol consumption prior to intercourse has been linked to risky partner choice and reduced discussion of protective behaviors (Cooper, 2002; Dunn et al.,2003).”

So it seems to me that Drunk In Love is empowering women everywhere to mix two evils – sex and alcohol that could ultimately produce one, a few, or all of the after-effects below:

– The Walk Of Shame and Immediate Regretfulness

– The Morning After Syndrome and Potential Unplanned Pregnancies

– Increased Exposure to Sexually Transmitted Diseases

– Inebriation Resulting In The Inability to Recall A Series of Events

– Increased Risk For Sexual Assault, Foul Play, and Sexual Victimization (i.e. date rape)

– Broken Heart, Soul Ties, Unhealthy and Ungodly Relationships

…..and many more.

Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:21 KJV)

So just how much of an impact does music have on our psyche?

“Although the meaning and ramifications of popular culture manifestations of female sexuality may be subject to debate, there is no denying that alcohol is a common prop in these performances. Content analyses of youth-targeted entertainment (e.g., movies, television, and music) document the proliferation of alcohol and other drug use references and their frequent co-occurrence with representations of heterosexual interactions or sexualized images of women (Primack, Dalton, Carroll, Agarwal, & Fine, 2008). Popular culture narratives are often misleading in their neglect or underestimation of the risks involved in engaging in sexual behavior while intoxicated (Brown & Keller, 2000). Thus, whereas young women may be warned about the grave dangers of alcohol and sex separately, they are being simultaneously entertained and socialized by popular media accounts of fun-filled, alcohol-fueled sexual escapades.”

Simply put, women are receiving mixed messages and are being misled by music and mixed drinks. Furthermore, the song invokes female sexual liberation. The impact that it has seems to be reminiscent of a Woodstock in 2014. Oh, wait….there will be a Woodstock 2014 (Google Woodstock Round 2: Mysteryland). As stated before and I’ll say it again: Beyonce is married; and many of the women who have embraced the lyrics of the song are not. Do you think she cares? The agenda is far beyond what the naked eye can see. I didn’t write this blog to bash Beyonce. She is an artist, and is free to express herself in any way that she chooses. She may very well be drunk in love – and enjoying every minute of it. I can’t take that away from her. But I can’t seem to wrap my head around the idea that being drunk and being in love is something to desire.  Sadly, art oftentimes imitates life, and these women are going to use this song – coupled with their many nights of impatience, their struggle with remaining chaste, and their dreams of becoming the perfect wife – as an excuse to become drunk, create an illusion in their minds, and partake in questionable behavior. Drunk in love is not a choice I would make now or ever – especially if I was married. But don’t think I don’t know what it feels like to be her. I was her at one point in time.

I can recall being drunk in love. I was intoxicated from taking sips of his bitter cup in hopes of clouding my vision. My eyes were blood-shot red from the night before that was filled with debauchery, regretfulness, and silent cries. I was nauseous and guilt-ridden from the sins I had committed and could not seem to let go of – because of unending pressure. I was drowning in sin. I was experiencing a hangover – night after night. The nights were almost always absent of alcohol, but there was always something present to numb the pain. We use things – in many cases alcohol – to numb our true feelings. We prefer to be drunk than be forced to deal with our reality. I had compromised my values for the hopes of obtaining a covenant with someone who could never really see my true worth. Being drunk in love seemed fun, and it may have had its good moments. It may have been liberating and satisfying – but only for a moment. I could never truly be happy with continuing a relationship that dishonored God.

It was all good when everything was still new, when he still said all of the right things, when the things that he had promised me still had hope of actually coming to pass. But it quickly made a turn. And instead of backing out of something I didn’t sign up for, I pretended to be okay with the change in plans while I suffered and gradually self-destructed. Instead of staying true to myself, my God, and how I was designed, I faltered. My impatience caused me to reduce myself to a mere object of gratification for a man who had at one time promised to marry me. I became nauseous over and over again at the sight of the engagement ring still sitting pretty on my manicured finger. Daily, I suppressed my intense desire of wanting to become a wife, and took on a role that didn’t quite fit who I was and who I am. But God.

I know where God has brought me from, and that’s why I’m passionate about what I write.  And because I know where God has brought me from, I could never go back. I am brought to tears and am SO grateful for God’s grace and mercy every single day. God choosing to pursue you to no end is the best thing that could ever happen to you. Needless to say, we weren’t built for the madness that comes with the world and popular culture. We weren’t created to live our lives like this. We weren’t created to be mere sex objects, Jezebels, seductresses, and adulteresses. We WERE created to be nurturers, supporters, helpers, and wives….sober-minded, pure and holy, teaching other women how to be godly, righteous women.

Some of us have some major decisions to make before Valentine’s Day. Some of us do not need to continue to move forward in the relationship that we are in. Let me encourage you: The narrow road? It IS hard. No one said it would be easy. But God is right there – and He will see you through. But you have to first make the choice.

Don’t go into another Valentine’s Day settling for less. Don’t go into another Valentine’s Day living dishonorably. If it means spending the evening alone, so be it. Get into your Word. Treat yourself to a spa day. Go see a movie. Call up an old friend and chat about life. You don’t need a few drinks to lighten up because it’s Valentine’s Day. You don’t need to go back to his place for a surprise on Valentine’s Day. You don’t need to make your man feel extra special because it’s Valentine’s Day. I mean really, would you rather be drunk in love, or sober in love – where everything you see before your eyes is real and not a fantasy? Sober up, queen, sober up. Uphold your standards for the God that you represent and the Body of Christ that you are apart of. Do I miss being in a relationship? Of course I do. Do I desire to be married? Absolutely! But not for what it cost me in the past. We must not become weary in well-doing. Save yourself for the one godly man who will appreciate all that you are. And if you happen to come across one who doesn’t appreciate you, tell him to keep it moving. And while he scurries away trying to find someone else to devour, make sure you wish him a Happy Valentine’s Day as you pray against his evil tactics.

With Love,

Porsche

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. (1 Peter 5:8 KJV)

Note: This blog was written not only for the women who have been deceived by popular culture, media, and even their own minds, but it was also written for the women who have been taken advantage of with deceptive words, as well as those who have experienced trauma as a result of vile and deceptive actions and behaviors. If you have been a victim of rape, sexual abuse, human sex trafficking, or any other inhumane act, know that I am praying for you. God loves you with all of his heart. And if you learn to trust Him with the broken pieces of your heart, He has promised to make you whole again.

I would love for you to support my book Happily Ever After: Biblical Womanhood, The Pursuit of Christ….and Marriage. Proceeds from the book go to sowing into lives locally through the leadership roles that I am privileged and honored to possess in the areas of women’s ministry and outreach. As my purpose is to restore biblical womanhood and femininity while proclaiming God’s truth, I cannot do this without support. Please consider purchasing a book or donating to the ministry! God Bless you and thank you for reading! Please share this blog post with someone you know who may benefit from this message.

References: The Holy Bible, King James Version.

Mixed Drinks and Mixed Messages: Adolescent Girls’ Perspectives on Alcohol and Sexuality. Jennifer A. Livingston, Laina Y. Bay-Cheng, Amy L. Hequembourg, Maria Testa and Julie S. Downs. Psychology of Women Quarterly 2013 37: 38 originally published online 6 November 2012